In a Song

Oh, look at that. It is Monday again. I had a rather eventful weekend, I suppose. Even though I did mostly nothing on Saturday, Friday and Sunday were adventurous. I have been busy with work (per the usual) and I spent the weekend with Stephanie and Ally–and Ally’s adorable new kitties! Despite all the fun, I have come across a feeling that can only be described as anger mixed with irritation, with a little bit of hurt thrown in. I guess I will start with that.

I have said before that I work with my ex-boyfriend. I try to make things not too awkward, but I do not get much back out of him. One of my co-workers pointed out her observation of this to me. The thing is, on Friday, him and I acted like…friends. In fact, the kids in his group thought he had a crush on me. And that is where it all went wrong. Two of the girls in his group, who are two of my favorite kids, came up to me (not at the same time) and told me that he had a crush on “someone” and that he had been talking about me. When asked if he liked me he said something along the lines of “Yes, I am in love with her and I want to marry her. Go tell her.”

I was confused because, once upon a time, he did love me. And I missed him a lot. Was what he said true in any way? I knew it probably wasn’t, and I hate to say this but a part of me hoped it was true. I am not quite over him, so his words hit me hard. I do not want him to have that power over me, so I tried to shake it off.

Unfortunately, I thought about it a lot over the next few days. He was in my dreams and he plagued my mind. Sunday night, I saw one of my friends at Target, a girl I haven’t seen all summer. She was at a going-away party for a guy at school on Friday night, and told me some interesting information. He had trash-talked me the whole night. My friend hadn’t known we were broken up–hey, I barely talk to anyone from high school–so she asked him about me. He told her he broke up with me a while ago.

First of all, I do not think that saying “We can break up now and talk about it later” constitutes an actual break up, but it did make me lose all fight to keep him. I was the one to actually end things. His best friend told me that I had brought real emotion out of him in a way he’d never seen before. No matter how much he acts like he doesn’t, this friend said to me, he really cared about you. Nice, right? Wrong.

He called me a prude and said I was boring in every way. He always said he was fine with waiting and taking things slowly and at the pace we were. For being someone who is so uncomfortable with herself, I felt safe around him. Well, screw that. I was angry and hurt, but which emotion was more powerful, I do not know. All I wanted to do was–is–punch him in the face and scream at him. I don’t think I deserve this.

At least now I have a reason to hate him. Something to make me let him go completely.

His words at work were one thing, this is just him being an asshole–excuse my language. To think I thought we were being civil about all of this. To think that maybe, just maybe, I meant something to him. Way to piss me off a week before work is over.

And that might be what hurts the most. I still care because he made me feel like I was special. Like I was more than the disappointment to my mother I felt like. No one ever called me beautiful before he did. My friends told me, of course, but it meant so much more when he said it. And now it has all gone to crap. Everything he said was a lie.

Shouldn’t I have expected this? Shouldn’t I have seen this coming? Shouldn’t I have been smarter and not the stupid girl people make me feel like?

I love his family. I adore them, actually. His sister is beautiful and inspiring. His mother is wonderful. His dad is just awesome. I don’t want to be angry at him because I think his family is incredible. I wish I didn’t care this much.

But I need to stop talking about this. I need to stop thinking about it. So I will move onto the brighter side of my Friday: Chinatown!

It was quite an adventure to get there, let me tell you. Three teenage girls piled in the front seat of Stephanie’s massive truck, trying to figure out which freeways to change onto and where we can safely park? It was quite the drive. Once we got there, a lot of the stores were closed. Ally wanted sparklers and a Buddha, so that’s what we hunted for. This year, they stopped selling sparklers, so that was a bust. We looked at all the little Buddhas and none appealed to Ally, so that was out, too. We ended up buying a bunch of paper lanterns, though. I got pink, white, and black to match the color scheme for my room at school!

We only got one thing that we came for: boba. I got a to-die-for red velvet frappe, which was supposed to have mini boba balls in it, but they ended up in Ally’s drink. I was fine with what I got, though, so no worries.

Stephanie was having a family dinner so I went to Hook Burger, which has a wonderful chicken club sandwich. There is also passion fruit lemonade, which is a must. I love it there.

Saturday was a day for sleeping. I went to Jamba Juice in the afternoon, but didn’t go anywhere interesting until Stephanie picked me up for our Dream Team Sleepover at Ally’s house. We went to the 99 cent store to buy lunchables (for our eat-like-children week at work) and snacks for the night ahead. Then the two of us went to the Ralph’s right across the street because the 99 cent store didn’t have enough variety and had a lot of off-brand products. At Ralph’s we bought Kool-aid to die our hair again, more lunchables, and friend chicken–I am obsessed.

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OOTD for Saturday–look I’m in my room this time!

That night, we watched Teen Beach Movie and gossiped, no surprise, and woke up to adventure to Venice Beach. I have no idea when I last went to that beach–if at all–so I did not really know what I was getting myself into.

Parking was nuts. One of the places had a flat rate of $40 for the day. $40. We found a lot that only cost $17.50, which was good enough for us. After tanning and swimming and tanning and swimming, it was time to get henna tattoos.

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We then walked down the boardwalk and saw one too many homeless people–call us high maintenance, but we do not care to be around them. It was also crowded and hot, so we decided it was time to go home.

The day was exhausting! After I showered the beach away (and took care of my sunburns) I took a nice nap. I have been taking quite a few of those lately, thank you sickness. My grandpa came over for our usual Sunday night dinners, I bought Ed Sheeran’s new album (finally!), and watched the kick off for Shark Week.

I absolutely, positively, LOVE Shark Week on Discovery. This week is what I look forward to every summer, and this year it is the same week as my birthday! I may be completely terrified of sharks, but I am crazy about all the documentaries (real or not) and, of course, Shark After Dark, the nightly talk show with Josh Wolf where he recaps the days shows with special celebrities guests.

So despite the…issues with my ex-boyfriend, I know I can still have a great week. Oh, and three more days until my birthday! Don’t think I forgot.

Bring it on, Summer Camp Week 10. -A

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