Lately I have been thinking a lot about…well…everything.
Obviously, college and my inevitable move takes the cake on the amount of thoughts racing through my head. I am so excited to move out and start over in a new place, but I do have jitters. This is a big deal and it is the most important thing I have ever done in my life. I chose this college despite what it meant for my relationships with my peers. It is the most life-changing decision I have made. No one can change that. And as September 15th approaches, I have become more and more anxious. The anticipation is killing me.
And so are my conversations with my mother. I don’t think I can live under her roof for much longer. She treats me like a child when I should be treated like an adult, but at the same time, she treats me like an adult about things I am still trying to figure out. I may be nineteen, but I have spent those nineteen years being chastised for every little flaw I have had and every single mistake. How am I supposed to learn if I am not given the chance? Maybe being thrust out into the world isn’t the most practical way to enter real adulthood, but that is what I am getting.
College and leaving isn’t the only thing that has been on my mind, though. What does nearly every teenage girl worry about constantly? You guessed it: boys. Yesterday would have been my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. We have only been broken up a little more than a month, and it still hurts. Despite the fact that he trash talked me and everyone thinks he is an asshole (sorry…), I find myself missing him. One year…it could’ve been great. But it’s not.
I figured that I would spend the day listening to sad songs, courtesy of Taylor Swift, and I did at first. I wallowed in an unexplainable feeling of sadness and played “Amnesia” by 5 Seconds of Summer on repeat. Then the queen of break-up songs betrayed me; Taylor Swift’s new single “Shake it Off” dropped, and it turned my day around. I can’t change what happened: he will never get over me leaving and I couldn’t let him hold me back. I had to shake off my sadness and welcome new beginnings. Especially because he hasn’t been the only boy on my brain. I met a cute boy who will be attending Cal Poly with me and there could be something there. I am not sure yet, though, so we will see what happens. To be honest, I don’t even know if I like him; he is cute and nice, so I won’t stop talking to him. I will be sure to update you if anything progresses 😉
On a new note, has anyone tried the Ice Bucket Challenge? I have yet to be nominated, not that I want to be. Don’t get me wrong, I would totally donate to find a cure for ALS–I did a report on the disease my freshman year. I was so excited about the paper I wrote, but nobody knew what the heck I was talking about. They all do now! I am really excited about all of the attention ALS is receiving, I just do not want to dump ice water on my head. I would do it for charity though, so if anyone nominated me, I guess I would have to oblige.
Quite a few of the people doing the challenge have failed in some quite hilarious ways, and if you want to check them out, click here. You won’t regret it!
Now, concerning my post from a little while ago about patching up my relationship with God. I said I was going to read the bible all the way through. I have not forgotten, and I am going through with it. I have not gotten very far at all, but I want to take it all in. Right now I am simply reading about the history of the world and its people–the book of Genesis–and most of it is repetitive, but I think it is all important. There are lessons there that I may not see yet.
I am looking forward to getting further into this great big book of God, and I will keep all of you posted on how my journey is coming along 🙂
Fashion and whatnot has been a topic I have spent some time on as well. I may obsess over sweatpants and leggings because they are the most comfortable things ever, but I have a weakness for shoes and purses. I am about to purchase this tote for school. I kind of love it, and it is big enough to fit my laptop. I am a sucker for a cute bag no matter what I am wearing. I proved that today when I wore a cut up t-shirt and flip flops paired with my Dooney & Burke bag. That may imply that I am rich, but I got it at an outlet mall with money I saved up all summer for by washing cars and babysitting. To this day, it is probably my biggest splurge as far as clothing & accessories go. The purse I am looking to buy is on sale at TJ Maxx, so no big money spent! I am really excited to carry it around at school.
Watching Gossip Girl all day has probably helped that excitement grow. I love all the clothes and shoes and accessories each character has. One day, I will be a rich New York socialite! Right now, I will stick to dreaming about that day, though.
As you can see, my thoughts have been all over the place today, as they have in the past couple of weeks. Summer is ending, which could be the cause of such a random combination of ideas. My brother started school yesterday, too! My little high schooler had his first day of junior year, and I am proud of him.
Here’s to new beginnings! -A