Here Comes the Sun…Or Rather, There it Goes

I’m feeling very stuck today. I’m not sure why. I’ve only left my apartment to go down to the Community Center to study. I only lasted about fifteen minutes, to be honest. I woke up at 6 in the morning because I felt awful. I’m sick and can barely speak, which is why that happened. It’s also been really hot here the last couple of days and I do not like it one bit. Our thermostat says we have air conditioning, but it’s just a fan and it does absolutely nothing. And the walls of these buildings trap in heat, so I can’t get away from it. It is definitely not helping my sickness.

Since I’ve been in my apartment all day, this means I have been eating quite a bit. Too much if you ask me. A year ago, it wouldn’t have mattered, but now I feel sick to my stomach. Honestly, it’s mostly just because what I ate wasn’t too healthy and my body isn’t used to that anymore. And I’m sick. I don’t want to say that my Bad Thoughts about eating are coming back, because I’m not so sure that they are, but I most definitely feel gross. That also could be from the heat.

My mind has been everywhere but my reading. It’s not that I have a lot, it’s that I just don’t want to read about any of it. I just want it to be cooler. The last thing I want to do is my homework. And I’m not always a huge fan of my health class because of some of the things that are a part of “healthy living.” For example, my teacher (based on someone’s suggestion) said that keeping a food journal is a good way to lose weight. I highly disagree with that because I know where that leads. And as a person recovering from that place, I was a bit turned off to the class. I don’t know…I just wasn’t a fan of that being considered healthy.

And now I’m just complaining. Gosh I’m in such a weird mood today. I know a part of it is me being me, but I definitely am blaming some of it on the heat. It is October in central California and this is not okay.

But despite me being whiney and weird today, I did get to witness a beautiful sunset. It reminded me that despite everything I’ve been feeling today and the last couple of days and maybe even tomorrow, I am thankful to be alive. And yes, I know how absolutely cheesy that sounds. I am very lucky right now because of everything I have. I am incredibly–yes I’ll say it–blessed. Sometimes I need a little reminder of that.

IMG_4089And please bare with me and the random, weird posts. Soon, I will be normal. Hopefully when it gets a little cooler and I’ve gotten enough sleep. Enjoy the sunsets, too. I’m glad I got to see this one.

-A

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