Girls Do What They Want

There are a lot of things I’ve been thinking about lately. Not going to lie, quite of bit of my thoughts have revolved around the fact that I’m not hiding this blog anymore. So to those of you that I know who have read some of my posts, thanks. I appreciate it. I’m not sure what you think, or what you’ve read, but I hope you enjoyed what you saw. It was a big deal for me to let y’all in on my life. It shouldn’t have been that hard, but it doesn’t matter now. It’s out there, and that’s what counts.

But big update! I finished Breaking Bad a few days ago. Now I don’t really know what to do…it took up so much of my life. I guess I should finish Lost and Gossip Girl. That is next on my to do list, I suppose.

Now how did I feel about the ending? Honestly, I don’t they could’ve ended it any other way, but it was sort of anti-climactic. All I thought was, “Oh, that’s it. It’s over.” Any other ending would not have been fitting, though, so I accept it. Now can season three of House of Cards be on Netflix??

But how are things with me right now? Good, I guess. I am happy. So unbelievably happy. Of course, I still have Bad Thoughts sometimes–I don’t know if they will ever go away–but I can deal with them. That’s really new for me: happiness overpowering my Bad Thoughts. I feel so much stronger now. But that is a post for a different day. Maybe tomorrow.

Yesterday, I spent the afternoon with my sisters (after spending the morning Facetiming my biological sister!). We had a Sisterhood event called “AOII Olympics” and I was on the army themed team. It was pretty awesome. We had a great cheer and named our squad “AOII or Die.” I seriously love these girls.

IMG_4114The events of the day consisted of: making up a cheer and running in a line with balloons between us (which was a totally fun failure). Then we had a toilet paper wedding dress contest. I was the bride–or rather, the pregnant army wife (courtesy of the balloons from the first challenge).

IMG_4105Unfortunately, I did not win, despite how much greater our dress was than the others. I had a garter and a bouquet and a ring and everything. Alas, I dealt with the loss well.

IMG_4112Wow, my sorority in a nutshell, basically. I love them so much.

Today, we are going on a hike up to Bishop’s Peak, which is the glorious mountain that is the view from my apartment. Then I’m having lunch with my “Rose Buddy,” which is an active in my sorority, and for dinner, I’m another girl’s “date” to a girls’ night in dinner with some of my sisters. There will possibly be slutty brownies–I’m so excited.

I don’t know…even though I feel really stuck sometimes during the day–what with talking about suicide and depression and eating disorders at every freaking corner I turn–I still manage to find a reason to smile. I haven’t felt that in a while. Every day is hard, it might always be that way, but I’m fighting through it. I fight every day, but it’s worth it now. I know I’ve said that a lot since I’ve been here, but I mean it. The fight finally is worth it.

That’s all I’ve ever wanted, to be honest. I used to think that I never wanted to fight, I wanted the war to be over. But now, I know that’s not the case. I want the fight; I have the fight in me. It’s truly amazing.

I still have bad days, I always will. But that’s all they are now: bad days. I no longer see them as normal, and I no longer see the good days as once in a blue moon. The great days outweigh the bad ones. And it’s more just like bad half days, or partial days. I can always find something to be happy about.

Anyway, just thought I’d share a little update with y’all. I am so blessed ❤

XO -A

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