Same Mistakes

I am not one to say “I told you so” or to be the one who is always right–I kind of hate people who are like that. Why do you need to be right all the time? Sometimes you just need to admit defeat, whether it hurts your ego or not. I know when I need to let go of something, even if just to make the other person feel better.

But you know, every once in a while, I am right. Sometimes I do know what’s best. This is what being Mama Bear has taught me. I am observant to things; I know when things can go wrong. You should just trust me.

I have trust issues because of things that have happened in the past, and because of this, I want people to be able to trust me. I want to be the person they can talk to about anything, no matter how deep or dark. Everyone wants to vent, whether they know it or not. But even though I want people to trust me, I still have a difficult time putting my faith in others. This is why I feel as though I can be a fairly good judge of character. Or very bad, it all depends.

But you see, people have put their faith in me to be Mama Bear to our floor, and I have accepted this role, volunteered even. But I am not just there to count your drinks, annoy you concerning your whereabouts, sit with you on the bathroom floor when you are throwing up while resisting the urge to follow suit, make sure you get home safely, etc. No, I am also there to make sure you do not do anything you will regret, drunk, sober, and everything in between. When you want to text that person, you should listen to me when I tell you not to. It will not end well. If I say you should not have another drink, throw your cup away. I know it does’t seem like it, but I actually know what I am talking about sometimes. I have really good common sense.

I don’t know, I guess I have just been feeling rather unappreciated lately, like I am being taken for granted. Mama Bear is a difficult job, and I do not have to do it. I care about other people’s safety. But if no one is going to care and just take advantage of me always being there, then I don’t want to do this. Of course, I cannot just stop because I still care.

I mean, I am a good roommate for cleaning up after puking people and leaving my ringer on just in case someone needs me in the middle of the night and being called at 3 am, 4 am, and 8 am because my assistance is requested. I did not fight for a shelf in the pantry and just have a box on the floor and let people throw their food on it if they don’t have room on their shelf. No big deal. It is just expected.

A friend of mine brought something to my attention: there has to be a point where I can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep mothering everyone else if it is affecting my health. I have lost sleep because of this but I let it happen so I know everyone else is safe. There has to be a point where I cannot continue being taken advantage of.

Does it make me a bad person to want to be appreciated? I mean, that’s all I’ve ever wanted from someone.

I try to help people because, in some cases, mother does know best, but if no one is going to listen when I give advice, then why do anything for them anymore? Maybe one of these days I will just drop off the radar, take a break from being Mama. Or I could make one of them take on the role for a night. However, I do not think they would care as much as I do. They are adults and can take care of themselves, right? Is that why there have been multiple nights where puking is involved? I wonder if people learn.

I love being Mama Bear, but am I happy doing it? I feel like I am starting not to be.

Well, I feel this way every Saturday morning, so I suppose this is nothing new. I am just sick and coughing my lungs out, which sucks. I also wake up in the middle of the night not being able to breathe because I am so congested. Should I be expected to do my Mama Bear duties when I can barely breathe without hacking everywhere? Mama just needs a break!

I really do, though. Need a break, I mean. I need to recover from sickness and sleep deprivation. Plus, my advice goes in one ear and out the other, so why give it in the first place? I’ll just lock myself in my room for a few days and try and get some homework done. Maybe I will finish my essay about Elvis and his death conspiracy theories or my speech about why people should eat breakfast. Or just sleep. That would be wonderful as well.

Alas, I will not be able to do such things today because I have homework to finish, laundry to do, a karaoke performance to prepare for, and an exchange to go to. And it is already the afternoon! I already feel a nap wanting to happen. I must resist.

Thank you for letting me rant. I greatly appreciate it. Y’all are great.

Have a wonderful Saturday and be safe!

-A

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