Today has been rather interesting.
Days in SLO are always happy and sunny and hot. I sweat anytime I walk anywhere, but it is okay with me because I love it here. However, on these beautiful days, I have been feeling stuck. I have shared this before. I do have good days; they all seem to be that way thanks to my new optimism. But lately my Bad Thoughts have been resurfacing, due to an unknown cause. I have had a hard time with my body image and health, as well as my depression. It has been awful considering these gorgeous days and the lovely view I have from my window.
But today was different. It is cloudy and gloomy. All I see is gray clouds and a serious lack of blue sky. It is cold, and the fog seems to be creeping in earlier than usual. But that’s not all: I am feeling great in terms of body image and I am surprisingly happy. Why is my mood the complete opposite of the weather?
Maybe it’s the fact that I am eating a little healthier than before, and good food is supposed to help your mood. I mean, I am addicted to these things called “Proscotti,” which is like protein biscotti. I love the banana walnut flavor and mocha chocolate chip flavor. We have also been cooking real food (like pesto tortellini), which is much better than the food available on campus. I have also been going to the gym more often for six-pack abs classes. Still no six-pack, but I can feel muscle forming!
My good mood is the real abnormality, though. The other night, something happened with a friend of mine (I do not really want to talk about it; nothing big, just private) and it should have put me in an unhappy state. It did that night, though. I went to bed kind of sad and disappointed. Nothing has been worked out or anything, but for some reason, I find myself barely thinking about it. I am still bothered, of course, but my mind is elsewhere. When I talked about it to a guy on my floor, he was totally supportive and gave me some good advice on the matter. Plus, we started a group chat among a few rooms on our floor because we are all so close.
Maybe that’s why I am so happy. I realized last night, while reading the messages, that these people are my family, and a great one at that. I love them so much. The fact that I have them is probably the reason it hasn’t shaken me too much that I haven’t talked to my friend in two days.
I just think it is funny how my mood is drastically different from the weather. I am looking out my window at the gray sky and wondering why on earth I am in shorts and ready to go out and do things with my day. On a Monday, no less! Life is weird, huh?
It is still absolutely beautiful here, though, despite the gloomy day.
Anyway, I just wanted to share with you the progress I’ve been making. I have been having some bad days and bad thoughts lately, and things were very different today. Like, for the first time, I do not feel like taking a nap. I actually want to go into town. Or the beach…even though it it sixty-three degrees out.
I want to work on my book, too. I have been motivated to do that these last few days. I should probably do my homework, though. This speech isn’t going to write itself!
I hope Monday is treating y’all well 🙂