I Would

Hello, Saturday, good to see you again. I have been a little lacking lately, and I am sorry about that. I am trying to give you guys a good post, but my mind has been on season nine of How I Met Your Mother and my book. But something happened last night that really made me think about some things.

The last two weekends, there has been a sexual assault and an attempted sexual assault on my college campus. Here we are at the third weekend, and I praying that it does not happen again.

Yesterday evening, we all got e-mails telling us about how on November 9th, a girl was attacked on campus. She fought him off, but it is still terrible. The weekend before, which was Halloweekend, a girl was drugged and raped at a frat party. Last night, one of my roommates was left at a frat party alone, dancing with a guy she’d only met that night.

I know she is smart and could probably get out of it if the situation turned sour, but I did not like that she was alone, off campus, and far away from the rest of us. I texted her saying I was coming; she didn’t have to leave, but I didn’t want her there by herself. So I grabbed my keys, put on my shoes, took what was left of my Arnold Palmer and Goldfish, and set off across campus at around 1:30 in the morning. I texted one of my neighbors and knocked on his door to come with me, but he was asleep. I tried knocking on other doors, but no one answered. Looks like I was on my own.

Now, wasn’t I putting myself in a bad situation by doing this alone? Yes, yes I was. I may have had two rape whistles and a fully-loaded pepper spray on me, but those are not necessarily great weapons. I did it anyway. A bod decision, but I wasn’t about to let my roommate be alone at a party.

One in four girl is sexually assaulted in college. I have three roommates. As I walked across campus in the dim streetlights, I thought to myself, I would rather it be me than them.

That’s a terrible thought, right? I am not saying I wish to be sexually assaulted. No, I hope to go my whole life without that happening to me. But if it were to happen to any of the four of us, I would take it. I care about my roommates so much, and I want nothing bad to ever happen to them. I have been through a lot of emotional damage over the last near-decade, what’s another thing to overcome. That’s not a very good mentality, I know, but I couldn’t take it if anything like that happened to my roommates. I couldn’t live with myself.

These girls are my family, and that is why I do this for them. Why I am Mama Bear for my whole floor. If any of them, my sorority sisters, or friends called me in the middle of the night because they needed my help whatsoever, I would get up and go in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t think twice about it.

Before this school year, before I was happy, I did everything I could to make everyone around me happy because I did not know how to be that way. Just because I didn’t remember what happiness felt like didn’t mean anyone else had to find out what that was like. Now that I feel that emotion again, I want to help others be happy and safe even more. Because I see all that life is, I do not ever want to look back, and I do not want anyone to have to see those dark days.

Sure, it sucks sometimes. All I do is worry about everyone, but I cannot just turn that off. I do not do this because people need to be looked out for sometimes, I do it because I care about their health, happiness, and safety and because I am capable of always looking out for them. I sleep better at night knowing that the people I care about are safe.

You might say I care too much. Maybe I just have insane motherly instincts, but I do not think you can care too much. I do not smoother them or control them; I simply tell them to be safe every time they leave my sight (I say this to everyone, actually), and am there if they ever need me. I do not mind leaving my phone ringer on all night if it means I can help someone I love.

I have grown a lot as a person these past nine weeks. I used to hate being around people, and I would lock myself in my room to get away from everything. Now I love being around everyone. I have amazing friends. To be honest, I consider them my family.

So that’s my not-quite-a-rant for you today.

Tonight I am pulling my first all-nighter because I am hiking Bishop’s (that great mountain I can see from my front window) for the sunrise with my roommates and some neighbors. It is going to be so awesome!! I cannot wait. We are going to be above the fog and everything and it it going to be so cool it is unreal. I am so excited.

Have a fantastic day! Pictures from the hike will be coming tomorrow morning, don’t you worry. And BE SAFE please!!

❤ A


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