Every Road

Remember when I said that tomorrow is a new day in my last post? Well, the last few “tomorrows” have been pretty great. It’s amazing what a good night’s sleep can do to your perspective. I have a Part 2 to that post coming soon. But for now, I am pulling my hair out because of House of Cards and listening to Ed Sheeran because I feel really icky in the stomach department. And no, I do not mean image-wise, I mean that today I went to Panda Express for lunch (I know, I broke my resolution) and fried food does not do me well anymore.

Basically, my tummy hurts 😦

I felt really great at work a few hours later–well enough to have a dance party with the last kid at camp. Then I got home, and planned to shopping for a blazer, but my sister has one I can borrow. You will hear more about why I needed a blazer very soon! And so I finished reading an article about Tomorrowland because um hello, DISNEY. After that, I was tired and my stomach was hurting again, so I slept for about two hours. I am still feeling quite nauseated.

But I really want a brownie. Conflicted is an understatement.

Being bed-ridden by choice means I get to write PLR and journal and write short stories from WriteWorld prompts. Writing equals a very happy me! But you already knew that, didn’t you?

I just feel like I have all this pent up emotion that I totally need to express to the world. And myself. Well, mostly to myself, but I want to get more used to sharing my work. And I like feedback. Which I never really get at school because all my friends are Bio majors or future engineers.

I am just feeling so stuck about my emotions. I mean, if my last post was any indication of that, then this is nothing new. However, I have weird feelings about my love life. Yes, we are back to that. As a teenage girl (at least, for the next two months), my mind often wanders to this subject. It’s just that I have very few friends who do not have someone special in their lives. I just feel like I will never have that, and it terrifies me.

Being at work and having my ex (sort of) in my life for the whole summer has made me reflect on a few things. I am trying to learn from that relationship. In the past year, I have grown so much and learned a lot about myself. And looking back, I do not regret anything from that relationship, but it has made me realize some important things.

  1. Honestly, I do not need a man in my life. Yeah, yeah, everyone says that, but it is true. And going from having him in my life, to not was a difficult transition. I suddenly didn’t have him to confide in or have someone to make me laugh all the time–or force me to watch introduce me to all these shows on Netflix. Totally glad for that, though. But quitting him cold turkey (almost–maybe you shouldn’t date your co-worker…) made me aware that I can totally fend for myself. I do not need someone else to tell me that they love me or that I am beautiful. I need to believe that for myself. But it is still nice to hear, do not get me wrong. Always tell your significant other how much you appreciate them.
  2. Being around him again, I remember all the reasons we broke up. He is one hundred percent not a bad guy, let me say that, but even though there are things I miss about him, I have plenty to not miss, too. Since I am reminded of these things, I know what to look for (and what not to) in a potential significant other. Of course, I can’t be too picky, I need to be just the right amount. And there is nothing wring with that.
  3. Dating in the workplace is not always a good thing. It can work, don’t get me wrong, but just be careful. It can make for some awkward instances. Where we left off, another two of our coworkers got together. They are together and happy still, but just saying. It is hard not to see the similarities between our two relationships. However, I must remind myself of this note often because the two cute employees at the Cal Poly store downtown convinced me to apply next year. That is two cute boys I might work with next year. Lord, help me.
  4. It is okay to miss him sometimes. I mean, we were together for a year, and I cannot just block all that time out. Plus, I can’t watch half of my shows without being reminded of why I started watching them in the first place. I mean, I miss people I am no longer friends with, too. We have great memories. It is nice to think of those. And he was my first real relationship, so I compare a lot of my boy encounters with the ones I had with him. He has a special place in my life as my first love, and there is nothing wrong with that either. But refer to #2 if you think I am planning on being any more than friends with him. That would be a no, thank you.
  5. I am awesome. Do I really need an explanation for this one? If so, refer back to #1.
  6. I don’t know, I think #5 said it all. And I am still thinking about that brownie…

Well, that is kind of all the wisdom I have got for now. And just because I know these things, does not mean that it is easy to always be “YEAH, WOO, SINGLE!” so don’t think I am saying that. And I am still pining over Chris Pratt, so maybe you shouldn’t be listening to me…

On another note, it so hot that my fingers are all puffy, and I am afraid my ring will get stuck on my finger. Curse you, SoCal heat!! And I would really like to have a dance party to all the throwback One Direction songs that are playing on my iTunes right now, but I still feel a little bit sick, so Teen Beach Movie it is.

Feelin’ good today! xx



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