Am I Pretty? Pt. 2

A little while ago, I wrote a post with this song as the title. This song has stuck with me since I first heard it because the lyrics are so true to how I feel about myself. For a long time, I have been looking for validation of my worth through what other people think of me, and to be honest, I still sometimes think that way. It is something I have been working on for years.

I wrote that post when I was having an absolutely awful day, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Moving back home has been extremely difficult, and I have been struggling to figure out why. Being here throws me back into all the reasons of why I had all my Bad Thoughts in the first place. Why the depression hit me so very hard, and why it is so hard for me to overcome those feelings. Here, I am painfully aware of everything I put in my mouth, and how on earth I am supposed to lose weight if all my family does it go to Chick-Fil-A. Disclaimer: No hate to Chick-Fil-A. Fast food just does not sit well with me anymore. I did have a salad there the other day when I went to the drive-in, and it was very good.

Each tomorrow is an opportunity to start over with a new perspective, and while I try my best to look at every morning in a positive light, it is not the easiest thing. However, I do have to say that my tomorrows have been getting better. There have been many good mornings since that Bad Day.

There is a silver lining that comes with Bad Days. You have to endure those days so that when you have Good ones, they are that much better. If every day was Good, then eventually, they would all just be average. The Bad Days make me realize how awesome the Good Days are and how great I feel.

Since that day, I have been feeling so much better about myself and my body. I want to keep this streak going as long as possible. My first thought when I wake up is “Damn, this pillow rocks.” It is not much, but I think it is better than thinking something negative. As long as I think of something to be happy about, that can affect my whole day.

Thinking happy thoughts first thing in the morning has definitely helped my outlook on the rest of the day. Even a few weeks ago, I would feel extremely self-conscious walking around my house in a sports bra, but now I cannot think of putting on anything else over it. And it is not because I think I am skinnier or lost weight or have abs, it is that I am felling more comfortable in my skin. I still have rolls when I sit down or lean over, but everybody does. My stomach is a little squishy, but who cares? I am always so worried about my butt being too big for my own good, but I am learning to love it. Not just because people tell me it is good, but because I think it looks good. Which is why I love my yoga pants.

I know I look good, so I feel good. And I am learning that I do not need validation for that from other people. I believe it, even on Bad Days, and that is what matters.

“There’s beauty and grace in the flaws of your face. All candor and style in the crook of your smile.”

I love this line because it reminds me that I do not need to ask the question “Am I pretty?” because, well, I am. And that is all that really matters, Bad Days and all.

XOXO, A


Love me!

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