Mr. Brightside

I would just like to put this out there: shit happens.

It really does, and it really sucks. Believe me when I say that sometimes, so much shit happens in your life that you might as well be a toilet. Boy, do I know what that feels like.

But here is the other thing: the shit will not seem so bad if you look at all the good things that come with it.

I know what you are thinking–in what world are there good things happening to a toilet?? Well, in my house, you get cleaned once, sometimes twice, a week. Our toilets are sparkling like they are brand new.

Once upon a time (which, if you have dug anywhere into my blog other than the home page), I really saw no sort of bright side to my life. I thought my future was dim, my present was a black hole, and my past could double as the “bathrooms” at Shaver Lake in Central California. I mean, me? A pessimist? Nahhhhh.

But along with finally taking my recovery seriously came something I never thought I would see. A Bright Side. It is pretty crazy how wonderful life can be once you look at the Bright Side.

Every time something in my life goes in a slightly bad direction, all I feel like doing is slumping back into my old ways and wallowing in self-pity. It is just easier to do. But I remind myself that it is not the end of the world. So the brown carpet in my apartment is ugly. So our dishwasher is broken. So we have fleas [Disclaimer: this actually sucked and I have flea bite scars to prove it.]. So one of my professors is kind of crazy in an extremely boring way.

Life. Goes. On.

Once I put the furniture in, you barely even notice the carpet. It is still ugly, but hey, this ain’t HGTV. A call or two to management and voila! A working dishwasher–however, I still actually wash most of my dishes because I kind of forget about said-dishwasher. We did not even have to pay for Pest Control to bug bomb our apartment, and while yes, I do have some scaring on my shins from those evil little bugs, they are barely noticeable anymore, and they do not itch. Thank the Lord.

Yes, all those things suck, and I do sometimes still complain about a couple of them, but I am alive, I am healthy, and I am living in the happiest city in America. I have no desire to kill myself. I am not about to give up Costco muffins and ice cream again.

Of course, get mad or peeved about things. Rant about it for a little. But then just shake it off and look at how it could positively affect your life.

I was utterly heartbroken when I visited my first choice college in New Jersey and was not head over heels in love. If I could not go there, then where would I go? If this place was not as perfect as I thought, what about all the other places? A campus tour of Cal Poly changed everything.

On the very first day of recruitment last year, I had really great conversation with a girl at one of the houses. I was so pumped to go back the next day, but they dropped me. Fast forward a day or two, and I fell in love with another house. Now, I cannot imagine being anywhere other than Alpha Omicron Pi.

A few nights ago, I carb-loaded for dinner/late night snacks, and I felt awful. I was bloated and felt like a whale. It was gross. Before I went to bed thinking horrible things about myself, I said “Tomorrow is a new day, and it does not matter what you ate.” Looking back, I have zero regrets on that peanut butter bagel and whatever else I stuffed my face with. (I just have to pace myself because it did make me feel kind of icky in a non-disordered thought way).

So yes, shit happens, and it is totally fine to get upset about it. I do not recommend bottling it all up because when you burst, you really burst. But do not dwell on how bad you think it is. I can tell you right now, it probably is not even too drastic. So get mad (or upset) at it, but then move forward from it.

This is partly a pep talk to myself for the midterm I have today. Wish me luck!

❤ Ash

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