Love Myself

Guess who is home for the holidays? Me! I am excited, but I was just home for Thanksgiving, so I am not quite sure I missed it enough…Alas, here I am, trying my best to not stay up until the wee hours of the morning watching Netflix or reading.

We are at the tie of the year when people start planning for the new year. New Year’s Resolutions, “New Year, New Me” mentality, past year reflections…the same thing in so many words.

Looking back, I left some very loose goals for myself (other than the date for finishing my book). And I can say that I did a pretty good job at following my resolutions.

  1. No more fast food – more or less, this one stayed true. I really don’t have access to much fast food at school, and even over the summer, I did not have much of an urge to give in. In-n-Out was something I could never give up, though.
  2. I have to finish my book by April seventeenth – check! And it is in the hands of an agent. Crap, I can’t even think about that because it hypes me up too much.
  3. Go to the gym more often – I can say that I am doing a good job on this one. I cannot go all the time, but I make time to go a few times a week! Even for a little bit.
  4. Experience more – well, you can say that I have definitely made a change this year. It may have taken a little while from January, but I have branched out a lot in the last few months, and it is very exciting!
  5. Read more – check, check, check. I tried to read as much as possible Winter and Spring Quarter, but I wanted more to focus on my schoolwork. However, over the summer I was a reading fiend! Finishing Harry Potter in its entirety has left a hole in my heart that I have been trying to fill with more reading. The latest? Deadly Heat by the fictional Richard Castle.
  6. Run the Nike Women’s Half Marathon. Or just any half marathon, really – sadly, no. This one has me pretty bummed. While my relationship with running was very up and down this year, I have given into my doctor’s orders. No intensive running. Elliptical, bike, and walking on the treadmill is what I can do. Maybe one day?

Pretty good, I would say!

While I have not yet thought about my resolutions for 2016, I have been thinking about the type of person I have become in the last twelve months and how I want to grow in the next twelve.

One thing for sure is that I want to work harder on my recovery. More importantly on that, I want to be better at loving myself. That is something I have been struggling with lately, and I want to really work for that change. I have done so much for recovery in the last year, but I only want to do more.

Focusing on myself is going to be a theme in the new year. It has been a work in progress for the last few weeks, actually. I know that the most important person in my life is myself–is that selfish? Maybe, but it is okay to be a little selfish sometimes.

My writing, my schoolwork, and my mental health takes precedent above other things. Key word: my. Being able to love myself will better my mental health and my relationships with other people.

I cannot wait for the new year and all the things that 2016 will bring! You know, I never thought I would be this excited for a new year. I used to dread them, but now I see them as opportunities.

New year, new Ash? xx



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