In watching The Bachelor last night, I have quite a few thoughts concerning…well, everything about it. I am still developing opinions on the girls–although, some I already have very defined judgments on. And these were interjected last night as I sat on Micheal’s couch, eating cornbread, and finding out that Charlie Carver has come out as gay and we can now date twins. (“Think of the family reunions!” Michael told me.)

These were some of my thoughts:

“Oh, my Lord Jesus Christ, Ben is a beautiful human being.”

And he really is. He is cute, sickeningly sweet, and just all-around a nice person. And at 6’5″ he definitely has it all in the height department. That is over a foot taller than me, but I am not complaining.

“Dear God, Lace, please stop talking.”

You know, the more you say you are not crazy, the more crazy you appear, just saying. It is Week Two, you do not have any sort of possession on Ben, so stop acting like it. (That goes for you, too, Olivia!!) There are still so many girls in the house, so lay off, please.

Honestly, as soon as Lace got out of the limo and kissed Ben I was getting all sorts of vibes from her that I can only describe as “icky.” But of course, she has to stay for the drama. However, I am getting quite sick of her very quickly, and I think Ben agrees.

“Aw, yeah, bring in Kevin Hart and Ice Cube.”

Kevin Hart is one of the most hilarious guys in the industry right now, and paired with Ice Cube, they are a great dynamic duo. I had very low expectations for Ride Along, but I must say I greatly enjoyed it. So you can see why I was pumped to have them lead Ben’s date with Caila. (Still not sure how I feel about her yet, but so far, I don’t hate her.)

Michael and I kept laughing at everything Kevin Hart and Ice Cube said and did. From comments from the backseat of that (mighty fine) car, to Ice Cube calling for condoms in the liquor store to Kevin Hart ranting about chapped lips and high heels in the credits scene.

“Wow, let’s go back to first grade geography, here.”

Granted, I am not the best at putting Indiana on a map, I will be the first to say, but some of these girls were just horribly off. C’mon guys, this is basic stuff. Yes, I know it has been a long time, but I see maps of the US all the time in passing for the strangest reasons. Look at one, okay?

“Yaaaaas, Jubilee!!”

Me, every five minutes. Basically, whenever she does anything. Definition of girl power. And I especially enjoyed when she swooped on Lace to steal Ben. Great job, Jubilee.

“Damn, Michael, this cornbread is very good.”

I kind of forgot to eat an official dinner (although, I did when I came home that night), so Michael gave me some cornbread and honey. It was a bit nostalgic because that used to be one of my favorite foods. I always have my reservations about it now because of my recovery, but I definitely jumped at the chance to eat it this time.

“None of these girls are good enough for Ben.”

You just have to watch it for yourself. Ben is quite possibly the sweetest, kindest human on the planet (and he thinks he is unloveable????). Any time he talks to one of the women, he is always so genuine (take a shot), and he is engaged in the conversation.

What really got me was during the Rose Ceremony, though. He had a picture made of his first meeting with Lauren B. He gave Lauren H a blue ribbon because of the group date. He always remembers topics and specifics that he talked about with them. And what made me almost cry was when he got a bunch of barrettes and flowers to make hair clips for her daughters. Seriously, how is he real??

But I do like Lauren B and Amanda. They might be good enough to be the future Mrs. Higgins.

“Okay, Lace stop talking–Olivia, WTF, you already have a rose!”

Ah, these two ladies…they have definitely rubbed me the wrong way. Lace is just crazy (as I mentioned before), and Olivia gives me vibes of Britt 2.0 (from Chris Soules’ season). Lace for one is just not articulate, and blame that on nerves or anxiety, but she really is not making any sense. And Olivia got a rose on the group date, so why does she need to steal Ben? I understand that she likes him a lot, but come on, have some class.

What I have realized is that the women treat it (whether knowingly or not) more as a game–as if, they are winning Ben’s heart. And they should be winning his heart, but not at the expense of the other women. I mean, unless they are awful. It comes off as a competition, but really you should just focus on yourself and your relationship with Ben, rather than the other women. Maybe I would think differently if I was on the show. Maybe I would understand. But let me tell you, those girls usually end up on the bottom of the fans’ totem poll.

“No, don’t send Sam home!”

I’m sorry, Sam. I really liked you and thought you had a great shot at being a great wife for Ben. Obviously, he did not see it. But you are a powerful woman who is gorgeous and sweet, so you will for sure find your perfect man. And your dress was hot. I wish I could wear it as well as you.

Cannot wait for the drama to unfold this season! I mean, that is why I prefer The Bachelor to The Bachelorette anyway. I love drama. I feed on it. Is that bad? I just think it is entertaining, and I am all about good entertainment.

You know, for research. I have to write good books, don’t I?

Your Jacqueminot Rose, Ash ❤ (that is a shoutout to AOII, btw)




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