Life’s What You Make It

So it is Week 2, I am sitting in the UU, listening to the Hamilton soundtrack, and half-watching Jeopardy on the TV next to me. I think this is an older one. The contestants look verylate 90s/early 2000s. Maybe I am a little bit more than half-watching?

Honestly, I wish I could tell you there was more to my life than sitting in bed all day watching New Girl and reading The Goldfinch, but that is pretty much all I did over the weekend. I mean, I did make it out to Stafford, my favorite satallite house (missed you, babe), but the rest of the weekend, I could not bring myself to leave my bed to do anything other than refill my water bottle and then pee because I was drinking so much water.

But then there is today: April 4th. Do you know what this means? Probably not. Well, it is baseball’s Opening Day! I am very, very stoked about this, but no one else seems to be. I was very bummed that the Angels are not playing until 7 pm tonight, but then I realized that it means I will be home to stream the game from my laptop while doing homework!

Which means that, once again, I will be laying in bed. I miss my bed a lot right now, but I have a meeting in a half hour, then class until 4 pm.

And we started talking about donuts in my Econ class this morning, and I was about to cry. I forgot to eat breakfast this morning because of this coffee fiasco (don’t ask), and I was so hungry in class. I brought a sandwich to eat for lunch, and all I wanted to do was eat it in the middle of class. I told myself I had to wait until at least noon because I don’t want to buy food on campus, and I will be here for a while. Well, at noon, I ate it. And to be honest, I might cave and get some froyo between classes…I have to make sure I am eating enough!

Here you have me rambing on and on about nothing.

That is bascially because there really is not anything going on in my life right now. In fact, I am feeling wildly average. I am going to Disneyland this weekend, and that is pretty much plaguing my mind. I try to live in the moment and enjoy now, but I am just so excited to be at the Happiest Place on Earth.

If we are being very real, all I can think about right now is the future. Reading The Goldfinch makes me so excited to move to New York. The mere thought of going abroad makes my heart beat faster. I keep thinking about who I am going to be in the future. The woman I am going to be after going abroad and then living in NYC. It is making me almost wary of the right now, like this is just a filler part of my life until I can move onto something better.

But I cannot think that way. I have spent so much of my life with that mindset, and I do not want to start to think that way about college. I am so happy to be here because this place has taught me so much about myself and about life. I would not be who I am right now without Cal Poly. Part of me thinks I want to move on because I have learned all I need to about me already when that is so far from true. I learn more about myself every day, and I will keep learning for the rest of my life.

This moment just doesn’t seem so exciting. It feels like filler time. Probably because I have been reading a lot lately and therefore living the lives of the characters. Real life just does not have the same spark as books do. I keep daydreaming of a life that is not mine.

You see, I started this post with the intentions of not finishing it. But as I write, I am finding a point: this is my life, and it will be what I make it. If Hannah Montana (which celebrated 10 years recently *tears*) taught me anything, it was that life is not just going to be exciting, I need to make it exciting. And as much as I love laying in my bed doing nothing, that is sort of time wasted. (Except reading, that is never a waste!).

My life is kind of boring right now because I am not doing anything with it. I need to take my life into my own hands and do things. In the wise words of Shia LaBeouf (and Nike) : Just do it.

-Ash

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