As a young woman in the twenty-first century, I have some problems that are quite trivial in the grand scheme of things. But they are important to me right now, so like always, I am going to share them with you.
I have been thinking a lot about the concept of the “Nice Guy” and the “Friendzone” (I told you they might be trivial!). I started wondering why we always choose the boys who are bad for us and never the ones that treat us well. Is it because we like a little danger? Maybe because we think we can fix or change them? Perhaps because we are used to being treated like crap all the time with the little sliver of good boyfriend attitude every once in a while to pull us back in?
So we think we should go for the Nice Guy because he has shown us that he can treat us well. He is a friend who can be a boyfriend. Potentially a husband. We like him because he is always there when we need him–and even when we think we don’t. He is the guy with whom we feel comfortable enough to talk about our problems. We feel safe with him.
But when he tries to climb out of the Friendzone and show us his true feelings, we realize that we do not like him that way, for whatever reason. When we reject him, or choose someone else above him, he gets mean. He morphs into someone we do not quite recognize, putting us down, calling us a tease, getting mad at us for leading him on. There are a multitude of things he could yell at us for. So we get scared and run back to the guy who already treats us poorly.
Why do we do this? Better yet, why do we not even go for the Nice Guy in the first place?
I have a theory: because we are afraid of the Nice Guy. We are afraid of losing the friend in him. We fear rejecting him because he might turn into a Mean Guy for not giving him what he thinks he deserves from us. At least the Bad Boys are honest; they don’t try to deceive us from whom they are.
It does not matter whether or not the Nice Guy will turn out to be mean, only nice to eventually get in our pants. He could truly be the nicest guy on the planet, but we have too much experience with the fake Nice Guy, with the façade he puts on for us. We know too many guys like that out there that we are afraid to trust any guy we think to be a Nice Guy. We are trying to protect ourselves.
The Bad Boy is going to break our hearts, we know that. We hope he might be different, but more often than not, he is exactly like the last guy like him. When he breaks our hearts, it hurts and then we move on. But when the Nice Guy hurts us by turning into a Mean Guy, we might never be quite the same. It breaks our trust in the Nice Guy–and all the ones after him. Maybe another will come along to prove us wrong, but for a while, we do not want to let someone so uncertain into our lives.
“It’s just a stereotype,” they will say. “I’m not like them.” Well, we have heard that one before, too. Just like how we’ve heard before that we should just give into the Nice Guy. How we should repay him for his kindness.
Being a woman in this day and age is not easy. We have to look a certain way: skinny but not too skinny or curvy but not fat, tall enough to be a model but still be shorter than a man, into sports but not able to participate in their trash talk during the games…the list drones on and on. Every time we try to fit the mold that a guy wants from us, that image changes–or we get put down for fixing ourselves to what everyone else wants. It is utterly exhausting. But the Nice Guy gets to stay the Nice Guy, even when he turns sour at rejection.
We should not be afraid like this, and we should not be treated like this. A woman should not live in fear of denying the Nice Guy.
Aaaaaand that was a rant I probably did not need to go on, but it was something I was thinking about. It’s a lesson a lot of people need to learn about what the Friendzone really is. This is coming from a girl who is the Queen of the Friendzone (in a not bad way)–meaning that guys don’t need to worry about catching feelings, I can keep up with the sarcasm (and beat them a little bit at it), and their girlfriends don’t have to worry about me because “oh it’s just Ashley.” Having this title has given me much insight into the ways of men (mostly boys, actually), and it has given my guy friends the ability to easily obtain girl advice.
But just because I am the Queen, does not mean I do not fit the bill for this rant. There is a reason I thought about all this, and it is because I feel it to be fairly true from my experience and from the experience of others. Even the Queen of the Friendzone can fear the Nice Guy. Kind of a problem, don’t you think?
((Currently outlining my rant on the Bad Boy. Don’t worry, I didn’t forget about them.))