Halfway There

Wow has it been calm on the blog lately…

Well, now that I am finished with finals (and my second year of college, what the actual heck), I finally have a moment to myself…that is until I have to go to work. Luckily, I have this glorious first Monday of summer off. My first real day of summer was Saturday: no school and my first day off work in quite a while. I spent the entire day in my bed watching Melissa & Joey. Melissa Joan Hart is a queen. I did, however, drive over to Kristin’s with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s to hang with some of her high school friends to watch a few chick flicks. It was so hard to say goodbye that night. Two whole months without one major partner in crime of mine. What will I ever do? Hang with the rest of my spookies, that’s what. Mads, Lo, and Tori are all sticking around SLO for the most part this summer. What a blast it will be (when I am not at work. Let’s be real, I am working 35 hour weeks, so we will see if I can survive). Regardless, I will not have to worry about schoolwork, which is a major plus, if I have ever heard one.

A minus, though, is that Stephanie has left me for Scotland for the summer, and I am incredibly sad I will not be getting to see her at work every day, like I have the last two summers. Neither of us are going to be teaching our kiddos at summer camp this year. Very sad, I know, but we are both doing very exciting things! Her more than myself, obviously. I am so jealous of her, but I know she will be having enough fun for the both of us. I am working my butt off at Victoria’s Secret so that I can have my own fun in London this Fall.

Speaking of London, this has been quite the fiasco, let me tell you. It is a long dramatic story that starts with me finishing everything I need (minus flights and whatnot) for going abroad in September: going on special status for AOII, working out things with my advisors at Cal Poly, and so on. Then, after having already given my parents all the numbers, high estimates and low estimates, expressing my concerns for the cost, and checking about forty times before applying that this was okay, they have only just told me that we cannot afford it, therefore, I cannot go. You could say the falling action of this story is me falling into a whole worth about $6,000 because that is exacly what I am doing to get to London: taking out a loan. Plus working crazy hours. I am putting myself through all this now so that I may be able to have this experience as planned (more or less). My mother is not too happy about this, but really, my parents should have told me all this months ago, you know, before I spent all the fees and applied and took the quarter off and basically everything I cannot easily undo.

I will make it work, I have to.

With this craziness has come a bit of tragedy, as well. There was the UCLA shooting, the murder of singer Christina Grimmie in Orlando, FL (of whom I had not heard much of before this, but it was rather awful the way she died. Plus, I have heard some of her music in the aftermath and damn, her voice was beautiful), and, most recently, the masacre also in Orlando at Pulse Nightclub (a gay bar), taking the lives of at least fifty people. Fifty. It is so difficult to be pumped about summer when all this has happened in less than two weeks’ time. These people are all in prayers, and I hope that we can bring on some sort of peace and safety.

I have been a ball of emotion lately–if you have read my tweets, you will understand. These past few eons weeks have been rough, and I have let all this pent up anger build up inside me for so long that I forgot how to deal with it. To breath. To close my eyes and remind myself that this is not the end. This violence and injustice (I will not get started about Brock Turner, worry not) has been the icing on the cake, bringing real world problems into my trivial personal ones. They make my thoughts and hardships seem so unimportant. You know, in the grand scheme of things, they are fairly irrelevant, but that does not make them any less significant to me. These things have shaped me into the person I am, and they continue to mold me into a better Ashley. However, these tragic occurrences in Orlando and violence and shootings and hate have brought a different sort of light to my situation. It just reminds me how my generation is supposed to make a difference. And I mean, we sure are talking a lot about making one, but our follow through is not quite up to par, I think. There are a lot of things that need changing before I think real progress can be made.

Halfway through college, and I feel like I have gained so much wisdom. I am seeing things in this world so much more clearly and I am learning so much about myself in the process. There are so many opportunities to take advantage of, and I am trying to pick up as many as I can without spreading myself too thin–which actually might be happening, but more on that another time.

Halfway through college, and I am getting ready to live in a different country for three months. Building up real credit, in my own name with my own account, not one cent linked to my parents (little late on that one, maybe?). Learning to love myself in ways that only mean I am recovering swimmingly right about now. Enjoying the sunsets again.

Halfway through college, and I just might make it through. Lookin’ good now, huh?

-Ashh

PS Congrats to Hamilton for winning ELEVEN Tony Awards last night! So incredibly proud. One day I will see this musical in theaters…or at least a really good bootleg of it or something.

And I am so happy to be back on the blog ❤

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